| We had a god run, you and I... |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|08:40 pm] |
Well, it's finally happened. The thing I've been dreading.
It's time to retire my old trenchcoat.
It's probably the gift I've held dearest to myself out of everything I've ever been given. It means so much more to me than I imagined any article of clothing could, and as any of my friends can attest, I've worn it close to every day for the last couple of years, hot, cold, whatever weather. It started as a badass trenchcoat, then evolved into a sort of security blanket for me.
It's been stitched, patched, dry-cleaned, re-sewn...but now the fabric itself is becoming weak from age and dryrot or something...it rips really easily, all the buttons are cracked or cracking, the lining has a smell that will likely -never- come out...it is on its last legs, and I don't want it to fall apart on my shoulders. It's time to find something new.
So, it is with incredible melancholy that I officially hang it up. We had a good run, trenchcoat.
Thanks, you silly girl who doesn't talk to me anymore. You gave me something really precious. ^_^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|05:47 pm] |
It's SPACE CIV!
CIVILIZATION 4 IN SPACE!
Anyone who's a fan of Civ 4 - and likes sci-fi and space exploration - should pick up the new expansion, 'Beyond the Sword.' In addition to fleshing out the existing tech trees and adding a few more ways to gain a nonmilitary victory (lol, subversion), there're some additional scenarios that didn't quite make it into the main game but survived as official gameplay modes, two of which are in outer space, galactic-exploration style with all new units, tech trees, civs, etc etc etc...it's amazinatin'. |
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| It arrived! |
[Jul. 13th, 2007|06:08 pm] |
Well, I officially have a Japanese Girl's school uniform. Custom-tailored, fits like a glove, AMAZING work from these folks. If anyone wants to buy some cute Japanese fashion-y stuff (it's not all cosplay, there's a good deal of goth-loli stuff too) I'll point you to Minkyshop on eBay. I'd put up some pictures on myspace if I wasn't too chickenshit to show myself in a skirt -_-;
Anyway, be amused by Japanese! ----v
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| ...Liberal Quaker? |
[Jul. 13th, 2007|12:50 am] |
I took a test here and got this result as my religious beliefs...gonna have to read up on my newly announced faith ^_^
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|11:37 pm] |
The first day of filming for Ratred was today...started around seven and didn't get done 'til close to eleven. In between prepwork, retakes, and doing the SAME THING for twenty different angles at three to four takes a pop, it took a lot for just one scene.
Climbing through the woods, covered in ketchup (the producer mixed the fake blood with dish detergent to make it thicker, and failed to realize that blue detergent + red blood = neon purple mistake), carrying some unidentifiable rusty pick-like tool.
I am a serial killer, and I am goddamn exhausted. I'm told the stuff we shot today might become the teaser for the short...that would be wonderful, because the footage we got today went straight into editing, and since it's all professional-like, I didn't get to see a lick of it.
Anywho, next week is more. Hopefully, I won't fuck this up ^^; |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|04:53 pm] |
I'm working on getting back into Sheezyart, since DA is still slow as balls and I've been away from the site for like a year or two at this point. Heh. ANYway, if anyone knows where I can obtain a slightly less illegal copy of Photoshop than the one I was using before the FBI got mad at me (preferably CS2 or so) let me know please!
I made some updates, and uploaded some recent sketches and schoolwork, if anyone's terribly interested.
It's here!
Enjoy! |
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| Gettin in shape for my waste of money ^^ |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|01:42 pm] |
Can't be havin' love handles hangin' over the edge of my skirt, now can I?
I've been jogging each morning for the past four days...I've gotten to like a ten-minute jog to quick chek (for a bottle of water) each morning before I'm out of steam. I read online that a good fat-burning jog is about 90 minutes long! I have no idea how to do that...should I just keep at it and hope my endurance builds up? Any advice?
Also, crunches for abs are good, but apparently the best way to kill love handles is with a good oblique workout plus aerobics. How the hell do I work on my obliques? I can see them, I can poke them, but I can't work them out at all. :P
I can't seem to find a workout that works that obscure muscle group at all. Any advice? |
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| Warhammer Online! |
[Jun. 1st, 2007|11:10 pm] |
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Beta signups for Warhammer Online: Age of Reckonign are up at this link so check it out. |
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| With regards to silliness... |
[Apr. 19th, 2007|12:21 am] |
I won't be attending on Saturday. Sorry, guys...there's a long-winded explanation behind this, too, but I'll put the abridged here:
I have a chance to spend the weekend with Jojo, and I'd really like to do that. In addition, my best friends are going to be gathered in one place playing my favorite hobby, run by my favorite writer. I thought it'd be a great opportunity to introduce them all to the girl I'm pretty crazy about (all past relationships aside) and to show her the people I've held close for so many years. It could have been a really awesome experience for everyone, and we could have all gotten to game together for the first time in what seems like a millennium.
Sadly, Bunny doesn't want to deal with it. Between PMS and personal grievances, it sounds like entirely too much effort when all she wants to do is hang out with her guys. Add to this the less-than-stellar response I got when I initially brought up the idea of bringing my girlfriend along (since she's into the same things we are), it's entirely too much preconcieved angst for me. There is way too much going on before we even get into the room together for me to feel comfortable with any of this.
I've been under a lot of stress lately, but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that I'm hanging out with Adam on Friday, and running my Sunday game as normal. |
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| A new dawn(?) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|11:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
Well, it's been a few months since my last post and a lot has changed...not all of it I feel entirely confident talking about on here, but I'll post the major skinny for anyone who's really into me or whatever ^_^
New thing one: I'm off the hormones, pretty much for good. It was a good run, I convinced myself I was dying, and spent the subsequent three months trying to break out of that. I guess I was a lot more stressed than I was letting myself acknowledge. It can be a pretty scary thing, changing yourself in unnatural ways without guidance or a promise that things would eventually be ok. I could go on for pages about how my body feels now, or the state of my mind, but that'd be entirely too uninteresting for this post so I'm going to gloss over it and let it rest for now.
New thing two: I'm officially no longer dating Bunny. A lot of stuff happened and there were some misunderstandings and miscommunications, but my very worst fears were not realized - we still talk, she's still happy to hear from me and I her...in any case I think the Bunny could use some serious huggage, and that's what she'll get next time she's down here or I'm up there.
Thing three of newness: I'm involved! For once in my life I took some initiative in an organization that wasn't an RP group and managed to get illicitly appointed as the Anime Club seceretary at Sussex College. No student council meetings or anything, just 'hey, you're seceretary now.' Guess I'll have to break out my skirt suit and pantyhose.
And thing four: OMG FABLE 2 LOOKS SO HOT I WANT TO HAVE ITS BABIES!
That is all. |
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| Round 2...Fight! |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|11:39 pm] |
So...to review:
I went to the doctor with my 180 over 105 blood pressure, and the nurse said 'Wow, that's dangerously high...' I asked her then if she could take it herself, what with machines having margin for error and all.
138 over 70.
Completely healthy.
Machines LIE! In an instant side-by-side comparison by two different people, the machine proved to be worthless at accurately reading my body fluid density. We did some pretty thorough examination and I was deemed to be pretty healthy - and specifically a good deal more healthy than most 'video game players' my age. Hooray!
So anyway, I'll be restarting the hormones soon (tonight) and monitoring the blood pressure by hand, just in case. We'll see if they really make me go all inflatey.
( October 31, 2006 11:50pm (Measurements, for fun) ) |
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| Hahahaha. |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|03:18 pm] |
I went to the doctor today with my high blood pressure readings...then the nurse took my BP herself and it came out wildly divergent from the reading we got at home on our little machines. So, in a side-by-side comparison, the machine's readings proved to be completely innacurate and my blood pressure was well within the bounds of good health.
Agh. Oh well. |
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| Well, crap. |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|11:55 am] |
Apparently, change is bad.
After taking my blood pressure three times over the course of this morning, it averaged out at about 140 over 95. That's way the fuck high. Average, which means that one of the tests came out somewhat higher.
As of now, I am stopping the medication. Or rather, cutting the dosage hard and weaning off quickly.
I could go into a billion and one medical reasons and side effects I'm aware of, related to the medicine but none of them should be this severe.
I'm sorry for putting myself at risk. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|03:39 pm] |
It's been four weeks since I started self-medicating...should I celebrate or something?
Day 29 - August 29, 2006
Dosage -
4mg oestrogen, daily, sublingually
200mg spironolactone, divided into 2 daily doses
Measurements:
Weight - 189lbs
Neck - 16.5" Same.
Bust - 38" Down a half-inch.
Chest - 37" Also down a half-inch.
Waist - 37.5" Boo up a half-inch.
Hips - 41" Okay, my weight gain definitely moved itself down here pretty quickly after starting the spironolactone. Interesting.
Now, compared to the first measurements:
Bust - 38" Same, but the look and feel has gotten very different.
Chest - 37" Also the same, but this is the part that doesn't change a lot, given all the ribs and whatnot.
Waist - 36" I think this was measured incorrectly, because my pants don't fit a lot differently around the waist, definitely not an inch-and-a-half difference.
Hips - 38" I've gained three inches here!
Ah well...no measurements to really brag about the first month. What has changed a lot, though, is the distribution of fat on my body and the overall softness of my skin. I have a sort of recognizable breast shape forming, and my hips and butt have rounded out considerably...if that's what I get after the first month, I suppose I can expect a lot of activity in those areas.
I think to a certain extent the discrepancies from week to week are due to my lack of skill in measuring myself. Gotta get better at that. |
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| End of week three. Please turn the tape over. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|01:30 pm] |
This week I'm going to have to order more stuff so it shows up before I run out.
Day 22 - August 22, 2006
Dosage -
4mg oestrogen, daily, sublingually
Today, I begin taking the Spironolactone, testosterone/androgen blocker...that's 2 doses a day of 100mg each, taken along with the estrogen. In a couple days, I should be cruising along at the same hormonal levels as a girl. Some of the changes should be a little more pronounced in a month or so.
Measurements:
Weight - 186lbs
Neck - 16.5" Someone told me this could decrease with the reorganizing muscle mass, so I'm gonna start measuring it.
Bust - 38.5"...I've lost a little ground, but that's because I'm down eight pounds from a week ago. Hopefully I've lost the unwanted fat and kept the good stuff. The shape seems to have rounded out just a little. Male fat around the pectoral muscles has a triangular shape that sags out to the sides, where breast fat is rounded, so the closer I get to that shape the better I'm doing.
Chest - 37.5" Hm...that's a half-inch up on last week. What gives?
Waist - 37" Hooray!
Hips - 40.3ish" despite the weight loss, this measurement holds pretty steady.
Anyway, I'm at my new weight now after a week that involved some fairly steady exercise involving large foam weapons, and eating a lot less junk food. Also, I think I'm losing some of the hormonal weight because my body's getting adapted to it. Well, time to get rid of all the testosterone - take THAT, body! Just when you got settled.
If I can get back down to 180 I'll be really happy, and once my chemicals are all balanced out any muscle or weight I gain will go to the female-appropriate places instead of making me look more masculine, I'm not so worried about exercising a little more.
I might - at my mom's urging - get back into Tae Kwon Do in the fall, to give myself something cool to focus on and some good workouts 2-3 times a week.
I should mention that after twenty minutes of swordplay yesterday, I was completely exhausted...I adopted a style of fighting that relied on my staggering and it was good fun, and made me push myself a little harder. |
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| Two amazing weeks! Ah! Ah! Ah! |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|02:23 pm] |
One more week, 25 more dollars of meds metabolized.
Day 15 - August 15, 2006
Dosage -
4mg oestrogen, daily, sublingually
Measurements:
Bust - An even 39"...not much change since last week
Chest - 37"
Waist - 38"
Hips - 40", evened out right on the line
Anyway, I'm a solid 194 pounds now...that's about five pounds heavier than two weeks ago. Definitely my fastest weight gain in months. Hopefully this week I can convince myself to go jogging or work out or something, because this is a trend I really don't want to continue.
Anyway...some people recommend that I can start the anti-androgens as early as this week...it'd be interesting to note what other changes might occur, mentally and otherwise, when I've completely switched over to a womanly hormone balance.
I'm halfway through the first month and so far so good. I'll put some thought into starting the other stuff, maybe come to a conclusion soon.
Also, in riding to the college with my mom today, I gently prodded the conversation into a position from which I could mention everything that's been going on and discuss the choices I've made with her, but immediately she made it very clear to me she didn't want to deal with it. "There's only so much strangeness I can accept in a year, and I just don't want to deal with something else." Hmph. Congratulations, you win the "I love you, but not as much as you think" award.
Well, maybe a year from now when I'm going full-time and living as a new sex they'll stay in denial and I can keep staying here rent-free :D |
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| One week |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|07:38 pm] |
So, it's been a week...time to update the journal again. With science!
Day 8 - August 8, 2006
Dosage -
2mg oestrogen, daily, sublingually
(incresed to 4mg daily on August 7)
Measurements:
Bust - just shy of 39"...almost a full inch on last week. Is it really possible to grow that much in a week? I do feel..somewhat squishier.
Chest - 37"
Waist - nearly 38" (no, we're going backwards!)
Hips - 39", but closer to 40" now, maybe a half an inch change
I really wasn't expecting such changes so quickly. I've put on about 4 extra pounds since I started, too...gonna have to start jogging or something to offset the hormonal weight gain. It's entirely possible that the initial estimate of the changes I got was more tailored to older folks, given that the average starting age is somewhere around 28-29...I remember reading somewhere that younger people are a lot more receptive to this sort of change. Maybe I can hope for good results then ^_^
I've noticed a weird regularity in my moods...all the mood swings I generally have are gone, or severely diminished. It seems likely they were hormonal in nature, especially because some of the feelings I've been getting lately are oddly similar to what I felt during my highs and lows.
So, starting yesterday my dosage on the estrogen went up to 4mg a day, split up into two doses (noon and midnight for me). Adjusting from 2 to 4 was a lot less bumpy than getting used to 2mg a day was. It seems my body's adapting rather quickly, which is good, and no major side effects to report. There's been some overall fatigue, earlier nights and all, but that's apparently to be expected of any hormonal changes. It should stop by the time I'm on full doses.
Anywho, off to go game. Got some friends here and we're all going to enjoy some rousing geekdom. |
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| First post zomg! |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|05:02 pm] |
Today is my first day...my hormones arrived via regular mail this afternoon and I was fortunate enough to get them before anyone snoopy did.
( What I ordered and how much I'm taking: )
Anyway, on to the meat and potatoes of this journal: A running, weekly tally of all the changes my body undergoes, as proper and numerical as I can manage. I wish I had my own lab for bloodwork, cause all this would probably be totally fascinating under a microscope ^_^
(For the first month or so, changes are reeeeeally unlikely to be measurable, since this is basically a female puberty I'm entering. Although, I'm already noticing some emotional and mental effects, but that might just be from excitement and anxiety.)
*ahem*
Day 1 - August 1, 2006
Dosage -
2mg oestrogen, daily, sublingually
Measurements:
Bust - 38"
Chest - 37"
Waist - 36"
Hips - 38"
Pretty boring-looking so far.
Notes:
Well, I was really nervous when this stuff showed up, but I suppose that's to be expected from such a big undertaking. Anyway, a few minutes after dissolving the first dosage of estrogen, I started to feel really relaxed...not in a bad way, not sleepy, but all my jitters and nervousness were gone and I felt pretty content.
Anyway, company's here, so more later. |
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wanderneko's journal